Teacher Self-Care with Sarah Forst

Episode Transcript

Teacher self-care is an issue that needs to be addressed. It’s easy to burnout as you try to give your best to your students and those that are important to you outside of school. The Designer Teacher, Sarah Forst, has started a business to address this important issue. In this podcast episode we discuss it along with tips on how you can improve your own self-care.

 

Who is Sarah Forst?

JILLIAN STARR: You’re listening to the Teaching with Jillian Starr Podcast episode three. A burnt-out teacher turned self-care advocate, Sarah Forst, is the incredible mind behind the brand, The Designer Teacher, and the founder of the self-care subscription box, the Teacher Care Crate. Sarah’s Instagram account serves as my daily reminder to slow down and to be kind to myself so that I can be the best version of me, for my family and for my students.

I’m so excited to be able to pick Sarah’s brain today about all things self-care, find out why it’s a critical investment for teachers, and to hear her suggestions about how to make time for it in our busy schedules. If I’m being really honest, I needed to do this interview for myself, as well as for all of you listening.

Now before we get going, if you’re not already subscribed to the show, please take a second to hit that pause button and subscribe so you do not miss an episode. And if you have a spare moment, I would love it if you could leave a review. It will let me know that you’re enjoying what you hear and help me bring on more amazing guests just like Sarah to listen to and learn from. Now without further ado, let’s dive into our conversation with Sarah Forst, The Designer Teacher.

Hi, Sarah. Thank you so much for coming on. I’m so excited to have you. Before we dive into our questions, can you help us get to know you a bit first and tell us a bit about your story, your experience as a teacher and your journey to self-care.

SARAH FORST: Yeah, absolutely. So, I started teaching right out of college through an alternative certification program here in Chicago, and I was totally unprepared. That seems to be true of most teachers that I’ve talked to.

So, that being said, I actually did love it even though I was super unprepared. And, I found it super fulfilling. But, I think like a lot of teachers, that meant that I was then pouring every second of my day into it.  Even though I loved it, and I love the students, it was very clear to me that I didn’t know what I was doing. And, I needed to very quickly catch up.

I’m not sure if I mentioned this, but I was teaching special education and I taught resource and inclusion. Even before I started teaching, I knew that I had an anxiety disorder, so I’d always joke about having a mental breakdown. But then about three years into teaching, I actually did have a legitimate mental breakdown because I really genuine was doing nothing but work.

I’d work all day. Come home, keep working on school things until I fell asleep, and then I’d wake up and repeat it. And I still felt like I wasn’t doing enough. I think with teaching, it’s really hard because we know there is always more that you can do. And I felt that I should be doing it because my students deserved it.

But it got to the point where I was crying every single day. I felt like I was rotating through my husband, my family members, my co-workers of who I was crying too. And it got to the point where it’s like, “Okay, I have to go to therapy”. I really should have been there before, but it was just clear things cannot continue like this. I’m just going to have to. I was getting sent home from school. Something had to change.

So that was over two years ago, and I saw a therapist. I mean, it really changed my life. It went from that to who I am now. And in one of my first sessions, she actually asked me, “What do you do for self-care?”

And, I was like, “Well, I try to get eight hours of sleep, and I run.” She was like, those things are fine, but that does not actually count as self-care. It’s not actually taking the time to just like be and to relax. So, she gave me the assignment of doing nothing for 10 minutes twice a week. This is just a reflection of how bad things were, but I was like, “I can’t do that. I don’t have 10 minutes twice a week.” Which is ridiculous.

Jillian, you and I were talking before. It’s like, I don’t have kids. I didn’t have a second job. Of course, I had 10 minutes twice a week. But it really took somebody telling me “you have to do this”. So, I started following that assignment, and I guess that was kind of the start of my journey towards being a self-care advocate. It really took someone being super clear with me. She was like, “You’re 26 and you are quite literally working yourself to death. You are not in a sustainable state.” That’s what I needed.

 

What is self-care?

JILLIAN STARR: Thank you. Thank you so much. I know that so many teachers who are listening are probably in the same situation as you were. Or, they see a lot of pieces of your story kind of reflected in their own experiences. And so, what does self-care mean to you? How do you define it?

SARAH FORST: So, I was thinking about this as I was just kind of reflecting on my own experiences. And to me, I think self-care is first and foremost a mindset shift. The shift being that I matter. My own needs and happiness don’t matter less than anyone else’s. And I think in some ways that should be very obvious, but to me, I still feel a little controversial saying it, because that is not something that I believed.

Being raised Catholic and always having had a very sort of social justice oriented mindset, not that those things necessarily go together, but in my case, they did. I really had like a martyr complex. And I realize that now, but I really thought, “Well, my own suffering doesn’t matter if I’m doing some good in the world.” Which in some ways, I’m selfless, but in other ways is also very self-centered.

And what I realized in my last year of teaching is that even though I wanted to, I couldn’t do good in the world if I wasn’t taking care of myself. So, for me, self-care is making sure, on a basic level, my physical and mental needs are being met before anything or anyone else.

JILLIAN STARR: My mind just got blown because I’m working so hard to understand self-care and I’m a type of person who will run themselves into the ground. And I do often. So, thank you so much for that definition because that “putting myself first” is not something that I am good at. And just stating that so clearly, that that is an integral part of the definition of self-care is something that I need to hear. And if I need to hear it, I’m sure there are a lot of other teachers that need to hear it too.

SARAH FORST: It can be kind of like a scary shift. I always talked about on my Instagram, because it’s been a tool that’s been very helpful to me, is this big old book called The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. And there’s a list of affirmations in there. And some of those are sort of about this, my needs matter, I’m allowed to be happy, and those sorts of things. And being in this mindset of give, give, give, — I started crying the first time I read those aloud.

Just saying the words, it can be really powerful. So, I mentioned I have an anxiety disorder and I know that doesn’t apply to all teachers, but I found it actually applies to a lot.

JILLIAN STARR: Yes, it has been my experience from the teachers that I work with that many do. And if they didn’t, before they started teaching, many develop it as a result of the expectations of teachers.

SARAH FORST: Right. So even if you don’t have a diagnosed disorder, you may be kind of suffering from some of those same symptoms. So, it might be something that’s still beneficial to you.

JILLIAN STARR: Right. Do you think there’s any misconceptions around self-care?

SARAH FORST: Yeah, so I was thinking about this. I’m kind of coming from two different ends. I think this mindset shift we’re starting to hear more about it, especially among teachers, we can still feel like taking care of ourselves is selfish, even though that’s something we now hear all the time things like, “take care of yourself first” and “self-care isn’t selfish”.

But still, I think for teachers, we still feel like there’s always engaging lessons to plan. There are grades to input. If we decide to go for a walk or to take a bath, are we not choosing ourselves over our students? So, I think for some teachers who haven’t had that mindset, shift yet that can still be a misconception. But, like we talked about, you have to be healthy to continue to be a good teacher. If you haven’t really come to that realization yet, it can feel selfish.

Then on the other side of things, I think that as it becomes more popular sometimes people see self-care as just all about treating yourself and buying things. And I absolutely do think that getting yourself a little gift or treating yourself can be a form of self-care. But, it’s not a substitute for that actual mindset shift that we were talking about.

As I was just thinking about this, I was remembering, I don’t remember which year of teaching it was, but there was one year where there was a drive through Starbucks on the way home. And I always used to get a Cinnamon Dolce Latte. Not every day or anything, but occasionally I would. And I would almost feel desperate for it. It was just like, I need this. I deserve this. Like, it was just some small thing I could do to feel better. And I’m not saying it’s like the worst thing in the world, but it wasn’t a replacement for actually taking care of myself. Having caffeine and sugar and treating yourself is not the same thing as actually taking care of your physical and mental means.

JILLIAN STARR: I’m ticking off boxes in my brain of mental notes that I need to be taking because that is a misconception I had originally and still find it creeping in often. The belief that if I do this, that’s my self-care, and I have yet to take the step of having the mindset shift. So really, am I doing self-care yet? I’m starting to think “no”. So, let’s keep going because I’m learning a lot.

SARAH FORST: And I’m no longer in the classroom. I do Teachers Pay Teachers full time and run my subscription box, Teacher Care Crate, but something I always try to include, when on my Teacher Care Crate social media channels is stuff like buying this box is not the only way to practice self-care. There’s nothing you can buy that is going to make you practice self-care if that makes sense. I hope it can be a little reminder, but it’s not the key.

JILLIAN STARR: Yes, it has to come internally first before external pieces are going to do the job for you.

SARAH FORST: Yes.

 

Is self-care different for everyone?

JILLIAN STARR: I know from my personal experience as I try to approach self-care, and what I’ve understand self-care to be — what I see on Instagram or when I read blog posts or hear people talking about it — other people’s ideas of self-care, don’t feel like they will work for me. It doesn’t seem like that would be my version of self-care. 

And I’m wondering if through all of your work that you’ve been doing, you know, through your Teacher Care Crate subscription, teaching self-care conferences and being able to interact with all these teachers who are looking and seeking out self-care opportunities — are you noticing that there’s a difference in what self-care means to different people? What kind of activities will actually support different people based on their personalities? Or is it one size fits all?

SARAH FORST: Yeah, definitely individualized. You know, just different people like different things, right? Like you and I were talking before, some people like massages. Sometimes some people don’t like other people touching them, and that’s fine.

Or like for me, I used to be a really regular runner. And for some people, I think that really is self-care. That’s a way of putting themselves first, but for me, even though of course it’s a healthy thing to run; it really wasn’t. It wasn’t something I particularly enjoyed. I would always be on a training schedule. And of course, it’s better to exercise then to not, but for me, it was just like another thing to check off my list. It wasn’t really a time that I was actually relaxing and focusing on myself.

And you know, this is something to keep in mind when I’m promoting self-care. Not everyone has my exact personality. For me, one way that I learned to take care of myself is to remind myself that whatever I’m freaking out about can actually probably be done tomorrow. Because for me, I often have this really strong sense of urgency. Even if it’s 11 o’clock at night or whatever, this has to be done right now. But then I think about procrastinators. I’m not really a procrastinator because I always have that urgency that that actually might not be helpful for them. It might be better if they just genuinely got it done that day. So, I think it’s just a matter of sort of trying out different things and seeing what feels good for you.

JILLIAN STARR: Yeah, I’m a procrastinator.

SARAH FORST: That surprises me because you seem, I don’t know…. Maybe I don’t understand really what procrastination is because of course I’ll put off things. But generally, I’m more just somebody who pushes through and tries to do too much all at once.

JILLIAN STARR: I’m not a planner. I can’t because I am such a procrastinator, and I work really well under pressure. I’m the type of person who likes to make decisions in the moment. I see I’m at point A, and I see point B, and I know how to get there quickly and efficiently. But I’m not going to do it until the last minute until it really needs to get done. 

So, I’ve never owned a teacher planner. And I see people making these beautiful lists — and they like to bullet journal and I watch these amazing little tutorials on Instagram — and I say, “Oh my goodness, these are fabulous, but they’re not me. So, what is my journey to self-care going to look like? It doesn’t have to look like these beautiful things that I’m seeing in social media or that I’m hearing people talk about. Can I find a road to self-care that is uniquely my own?”

SARAH FORST: Yes. And that’s such an interesting thing to know about yourself. You know, I think in some ways it’s a strength because for me, trying to make decisions under pressure, it’s like, I am not making good decisions anymore. I’m not producing good work. And I know that about myself. And so that’s why I try to avoid it. But for some people, it’s might actually be productive.

JILLIAN STARR: Sarah, I’m having so much fun.

SARAH FORST: It’s great to actually get to speak to you. We talk, you know, obviously all the time via Instagram. But to actually hear your voice, I feel like I’m doing more talking, so I don’t know.

 

What are the red flags of burnout?

JILLIAN STARR: I’m loving listening to your voice and all of your amazing ideas. I guess my next question is, what do you feel are some of the signs or those red flags that you are in fact burning out or that you really need to take a step back and focus on yourself? 

SARAH FORST: I would say for me, frequent crying is a big one. And there’s been different times in my life, whether it was when I was still a student to when I was a teacher, and crying is can just be a sign that you’re overwhelmed. So if you are crying every day about work or even just a couple times a week, I think that’s a sign your body is telling you that you’re overwhelmed and doing too much. I think sometimes as teachers, we almost normalize it. Like crying about our students or crying about your work is just to be expected. But I really don’t think it’s healthy.

And, I think another kind of red flag would be that feeling like you can’t take a day off of work. Again, I think this is normalized, or we just think, “Oh, it’s easier to go in sick than to make some plans.” Or you just feel like they they won’t behave for a sub, or it’s just not worth it, taking the day off. And again, it’s not healthy if you’re just sort of constantly feeling overwhelmed or like you’re not good enough. If you’re feeling like you can never take the night off of work or feel like anytime you take for yourself will make your job unsustainable, that’s a major red flag.

JILLIAN STARR: Yes. Oh, my goodness. And I’m just thinking back to especially those first few years of teaching, when that’s how I always felt. And even my husband, who was not my husband at the time, used to say that there was such a clear distinction between summer Jillian and school year Jillian. And he would mourn the loss of summer Jillian every single fall and say, “I don’t see you. You are consumed. This is not healthy. You turn into a different person.”

SARAH FORST: And I’m nodding my head like that is exactly what my, again wasn’t my husband the whole time but is now, saying there’s a summer Sarah. I think that’s probably very common.

JILLIAN STARR: And it wasn’t even just that, you know, I was more relaxed during the summer and more on the go. I could not leave my work at work, and I brought everything home. And like you said, I would just work until I fell asleep. There were nights where I would fall asleep on my laminate, you know, while I was cutting up centers or something, and wake up with like little pieces of plastic stuck to my face. It was not a glamorous look at all. 

But especially in those first few years, or you know, anybody who’s switching grade levels, or switching school districts where they’re learning new curriculum or trying to become a part of a new team, I think these feelings of being overwhelmed can happen at any point in your career, especially when there’s big changes, but the red flags like you said can kind of be clearly pinpointed. I mean, they’re probably tweaked a little bit for each person, but those are really good signs to look out for. I know I’ve had them and I’m hoping that I left them all in the past, but we shall see I am a work in progress.

SARAH FORST: Right. And I think, you know, I only taught for four years, so I can’t really speak with authority. But our friend Tamara says there’s kind of seasons of teaching and I imagine those kinds of feelings will come back around. But hopefully, you’re able to better deal with them as you mature in your teaching career.

JILLIAN STARR: Right. Oh, I hope so. I love what Tamara says about that.

SARAH FORST; She’s the best.

JILLIAN STARR: Shout out to miss Russell. We love you. I think there’s this piece where teachers think that you’re going to live and die for your kids and that it’s okay to put everything into that classroom and into your students and just keep pouring from an empty cup. That’s not sustainable. 

But teachers believe “This is what I signed up for, so this is what I have to keep doing or I’m not doing a good enough job.” How do we as a teaching community, start to remove that from the mentality and replace it with taking care of yourself is a way to take care of your students in your classroom?

SARAH FORST: It’s really hard. And this is where I think sometimes, I start to feel a little bitter about my own teaching experience. I think part of that does come from other teachers judging us. You know — all the time at my old school and I would be guilty of this too — if someone is getting there right at eight o’clock and leaving right at three o’clock, we have thoughts about that. Especially if we ourselves are putting so much work into it.

Or blaming other teachers if their test scores are low, and it’s bringing down scores for the whole school. And it’s very understandable because no one likes the feeling that they’re doing more work than everyone else, especially when students are affected.

I think the workload just has to be lessened. And that’s part of the reason that I left. I was like, it’s not possible for me to do a good job. And I’m not willing to do that.

 

Making the shift towards self-care

 JILLIAN STARR: I am feeling similarly and I’m also watching myself go through the shift of being the last person in the parking lot every single day. And I don’t remember where I saw it, but there’s no badge for being the last car in the parking lot. There just isn’t. 

And I think in my journey to self-care, I kind of stumbled upon it and was forced into it by having my first child. I worked late every single night. I always brought things home and then all of a sudden, we were going to have a kid and my husband said, “Jillian you cannot do this summer Jillian/school year Julian thing anymore. You just have to be mom Jillian all year. And how are you going to do that because there is no other way around this?” 

And it was this giant slap in the face. I love my husband because he’s so direct. And I mean, I am too and we work. That’s partly why we work so well together. But this giant slap in the face for me was like, “Oh my gosh. You’re right. How am I going to make this happen?”

So I know in my case, we made a really, really conscious decision that I was going to be the sole person responsible for pickup and drop off at daycare. And I cannot drop off before seven o’clock and our school day starts at eight. So, I can’t get to work early in the morning. And I have a set time that I have to be at daycare or you get charged by the minute. So, it forces me to leave and that’s been really hard. 

It was kind of like a baptism by fire of learning how to do my best teaching while not ever being allowed to feel like I was doing enough. And it was remarkable what happened after a few months of going through this and having to leave things unfinished and not feeling like I was being the teacher I was before. 

It was this amazing shift for me. Where all of a sudden, I started to see “Oh my gosh, I’m still a really good teacher. Oh my gosh, my kids are still learning. Oh my goodness, I’m actually awake, alive and alert and excited to be here instead of exhausted and sick and dragging my feet and cannot connect with kids because I cannot keep my eyes open.” 

And realizing “Well, actually, I’m a pretty darn good teacher even if I’m not staying here at all hours and if I am leaving my laminated things uncut and they’re still on the counter. They’ll be there in the morning when I get back.” 

I wish somebody had told me this, but I guess I’m the type of person who has to learn by experience that this was possible. But it took me until seven years of teaching to realize that that was possible. And I am the teacher that leaves early now. I mean, not early from the school day, but earlier than a lot of other teachers. And I am a teacher that has to get there late because drop off is drop off. But I don’t think if I hadn’t had that giant slap in the face that I would be as functioning of a human as I am now. Does that make sense?

SARAH FORST: Yeah, I think that’s so awesome. And at first when you said that. I was like, “Wait, why are you the one always doing the drop off and pick up?” But then when you said that, I realized it’s actually a really great example of structuring your self-care in.

And that’s something that’s been really helpful for me as well, actually putting it on the schedule. So I think even if it’s not the daycare drop off and pick up per se, it’s a really great example for teacher moms and how to make sure you’re sticking to that self-care.

JILLIAN STARR: Right. And, I wanted to present it at first and be like, “I shouldn’t be responsible for both.” And we both agreed that while he could do one or the other, I was the one that needed those boundaries. He is so good at leaving work at work. I don’t know if it’s because they’re different professions, but it’s definitely something that I needed more help with. And so together we made that choice, and it has been night and day for me.

SARAH FORST: That’s awesome. And I think it’s really powerful for people to hear that no one died. The class went on. Not only did it go on, but like you said, you’re still a good teacher. Your kids are still learning.

This sounds so random but my last year teaching I was like “not everything has to be laminated”. You can decide to just not laminate some things. And you know what, if you’re still using that material in three years and you have to reprint it, then you’ll reprint it. And it’s actually still more environmental because two pieces of paper is better for the environment than one piece of paper encased in plastic.

JILLIAN STARR: Right? And way to give my environmental plug. Awesome Sarah. I love you. Oh my goodness, when I first came back from maternity leave my principal at the time, he was just so amazing, asked me a few weeks in, “How are you doing?” And it was just so nice to be asked that first of all, but he said, “How are you doing”? And I looked at him. And I said, “I’m learning that not everything has to be laminated.” That was my legit response. He looked at me, and he just said, “That is a huge step for you.”

SARAH FORST: I think the fact that we both think that lamination is like the definition of something that we feel we should be doing, and ultimately it might be good, but is not a necessity.

 

About Teacher Care Crates

JILLIAN STARR: So, Sarah, after you left teaching, you decided to start the subscription box, The Teacher Care Crate to support teachers in their own journey to self-care. Could you tell us a little bit more about it? And, what inspired you to start this new project?

SARAH FORST: Yeah, absolutely. So, after I left teaching, it actually became even more clear to me how much strain teachers are under and how much they need to take better care of themselves. Like I could see it even more clearly from the outside. And that’s why I really do love running Teacher Care Crate, which is a subscription box for teachers. It goes out every month, and it’s like a curated collection of things that encourage teachers to take care of themselves. So sometimes that’s a bath bomb. Or maybe it’s just something fun to wear or a journal to record joyful moments. I always try to include a little treat.

So, there’s five to eight items each month around a theme. And while purchasing something — you were talking about this earlier — buying something isn’t going to suddenly make you a pro at self-care. I do hope it can be a little bit of a reminder to practice self-care, and you can try to make it a goal to use every one of these products during the month. And just have that be the little reminder that you need.

As far as what inspired me to start it, we were talking about our friend, Tamara earlier, Ms. Russell’s room had the idea for a subscription box around self-care for teachers. And at first, I didn’t even really know if that was possible. I just didn’t know how that would work. But I was really taken with the idea.

My background is actually in design, and specifically object design. So, I sort of immediately began thinking of how I would do it and what kind of things I would include. And, I just sort of started out like a trial box. It was now over a year ago in January 2018, and I just tried putting it together. I didn’t make any profit that first month, and it was just to kind of see if there was an interest, and I got really positive feedback. So, I decided to just take it month by month and try it out.

 

Self-care advice for busy teachers

JILLIAN STARR: So, Sarah, my last question is, what would you say to a teacher who feels that they are too busy to take care of themselves? Asking for a friend.

SARAH FORST: So, this might come off a little bit as tough love, but that is what I really needed when I was in this place. So, that’s what we’re going to do. I would say if that’s genuinely the truth, you’re too busy to take care of yourself, then you need to drop something. Drop being on a committee, drop one of your kids after school activities, drop grading homework. I mean it

I came across a quote the other day that I think is my new favorite. “Enough isn’t an amount, it’s a decision.” Because there will always, always, always be more you can do, you always are going to feel like you’re too busy to take care of yourself. But you have to set boundaries for yourself.

One that I still try to adhere to is that I don’t work past 9pm. I’m not a night person. I don’t make good decisions past that time. So, you just really have to set those hard and fast boundaries and stick to it knowing it’s never going to feel like there is enough time. You just have to do it anyway.

JILLIAN STARR: I need to print that and hang it on every wall in my house. That is such a wonderful quote.

SARAH FORST: I just got an iPad. I think that’s going to be getting lettered.

JILLIAN STARR: I think the part about enough not being an amount is so important because as teachers, I know me specifically, if I’m putting all my effort into school, I feel like I’m disappointing everyone at home. And if I’m putting all my effort at home, I’m disappointing everyone at school. And, I just need to find my boundaries and knowing that that word “enough” can be my decision to make is a pretty profound one.

SARAH FORST: I agree, and I can’t take credit for that. I should look and see where I found that. But yeah, it really struck me too, because even though I’m no longer in the classroom, I think we can still have that feeling like, “Oh, eventually I’ll get there.” Or, when I’m teaching, “When I just finish laminating these centers” or “I master this new curriculum”.

But even outside of the classroom, you can feel like, “Okay, when I move into this new house, then I’ll be happy and that will be enough.” Or, “When my kid gets to a certain age”. But, that’s not how it works. And I have to check myself on that to make it enough.

JILLIAN STARR: I definitely need to check myself there too. So, Sarah, thank you so much for coming on. If anyone wants to follow up with you or take a peek at your Teacher Care Crate, how can they find you?

SARAH FORST: So, my main teaching account is The Designer Teacher. That’s my TPT store. Then, you can follow me on Instagram @thedesignerteacher. And then, for Teacher Care Crate, you can check out that Instagram @teachercarecrate and the website is teachercarecrate.com.

Thank you so much for having me. It’s been such a delight. And you know I feel like it’s good to reflect on these things. Even though self-care is in some ways my work now, it’s great to have a chance to reflect on that and just discuss it with another person who’s gone through similar things.

JILLIAN STARR: It’s been such a pleasure having you on. I feel like I my brain is trying to catch up to everything that we’ve been saying. There’s just so much that I need to let marinate and use it so that I can be a better person for my students and for my family. Because I have a lot to offer, but if I’m trying to offer everything in myself to everyone, it’s just not going to work

SARAH FORST: Yes, it’s not sustainable.

JILLIAN STARR: No. So, thank you so much for coming on and sharing all of your wisdom and your experiences with us. And I’m just so happy to have you as a friend and as our first guest on the Teaching with Jillian Starr Podcasts.

SARAH FORST: Thank you so much. I’m so honored and flattered that you chose to have me.

JILLIAN STARR: Thank you, Sarah, I hope to talk to you again soon.

Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode. I hope your mind was as blown as mine and that you came away with some actionable steps to be able to invest in yourself so that you can really show up for your students and for those that are important to you. And if you have a moment, screenshot that you’re listening to this episode, share it on Instagram or text it to a teacher friend who might benefit from hearing it. I would love these messages of self-care to find their way into someone else’s earbuds today. Until next time, friends, happy teaching.